PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
