At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
