yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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