Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
3pm strippers are depressing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're a waste of cheezeits
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
