I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I just sharted jello shots
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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