Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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