oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
