Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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