Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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