Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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