One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
