There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
