Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
