Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
