Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
