a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So many bounce houses so little time
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
