I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
