My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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