You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this just has baby written all over it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
