I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
