thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
