Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
