how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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