have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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