As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
