thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
