just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
