were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
