i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
