We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
