I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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