a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
