you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
