The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
