well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's the barista slut.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
