Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize