I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize