I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
