Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
