I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
