hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
from now on my penis is your penis
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
