So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
