I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
