He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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