It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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