Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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