if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
