my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
