I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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