If that was your dad, he is hot
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
