Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
