we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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