so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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