No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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