my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
