please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
