dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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