i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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