So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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