im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
