Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .