Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green