Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food