my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit