I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.