true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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