Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
